How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
