his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
