i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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