4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
