im drinking this country out of the recession.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
