i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
sarcasm needs its own font
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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