Jerry, you need to find god
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
