now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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