wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
