omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
