Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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