Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
