Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it was like eating out sand paper
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
