i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The air was thick with penises
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
