What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
