Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
