I think my vagina is haunted
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
