the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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