I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
