I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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