i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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