I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
