Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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