I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
