after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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