Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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