I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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