WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
