the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
