I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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