i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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