Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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