Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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