I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
