Whod you bang
Define "chronic" masturbator.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
