oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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