I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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