We should be called the Road Head Warriors
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
