Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
