How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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