dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
