I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
