My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
