He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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