great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
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Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize