Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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