After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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