also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
