Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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