I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
