Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
