Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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