I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
