your parents love me but you hate me
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think i have herpe
just one?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
