6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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