You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
