He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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