i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
