He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you had me at cake vodka
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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