never play flip cup with pint glasses
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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