Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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