I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
