Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
