Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
